Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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