Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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