I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
