they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
