what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
