i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
