My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
