the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
