at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize