yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
