Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
