oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
