can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just tell him i said nine months
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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