I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
