I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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