I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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