people are starting to question the shark bite story
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
