I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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