I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
