I wanna bring you to show and tell
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize