Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
