I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize