Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
