just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my liver is dry heaving
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
