so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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