I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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