I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
