you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
