why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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