U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
