My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
