Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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