I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
