Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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