You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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