This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
