you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize