you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
