Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
