I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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