i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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