He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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