I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
