would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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