idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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