Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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