I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
