at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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