I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize