things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
