Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
