Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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