I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
