I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
