I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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