he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize