I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
