ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
