im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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