things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
