Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had to coat check the pizza.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
