Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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