My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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