if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we're making bets on your personal life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
