Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
