Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
