how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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