I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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