Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
