therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
