is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
