Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
