You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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