I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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