Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
