I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
