I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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