"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize