Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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