Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
