member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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