Your face is a jimmy john
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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