my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
