hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
