He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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