Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
