Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
