Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i think my cat just said my name.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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