he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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