Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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