Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
