batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize