Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
