my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
