If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
