Everything about him screamed your future.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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