my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
