did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
