Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
