I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
