Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
