You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
