worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
